This blog is in response to a question I received on the ‘Blog Requests’ page. (The link is below – feel free to post your questions)
I will try to respond to these requests as much as I can in order to post relevant blogs, addressing real issues and concerns.
The question was… “How do you know that your partner is the one? My greatest fear is enduring and not enjoying my marriage.”
Knowing whether your partner is the one is different for different people, and everybody has a view and opinion which then leads to further confusion. This was an area that I struggled with and toiled with for ages, however, with hindsight I understand that the main reason a lot of us get stuck at this stage is one thing, and that is FEAR.
I will never forget the words of my basketball coach back in 2003. I used to play for a team called the Eastside Eagles and we were about to play a team that were a lot better, stronger and older than we were. During our team talk our coach (great guy) could sense we were scared. He asked us this question, and it’s a question I always ask myself whenever I’m in a situation where I sense fear creeping in. He asked us “What’s the worst that could happen?”. He then went on to tell us that fear wasn’t real, but a feeling causing us to see Fictional Events Appearing Real (F.E.A.R).
We played our hearts out that game! We gave it everything! We scored! We defended! Sadly, we lost… but we felt like winners! Why… because we overcame fear, and we played with a freedom that we didn’t have before that epic team talk.
When we actually feel afraid it’s due to the fact that we have built up a picture of the worst case scenario possible, then multiplied it by 10 and then added special effects.
Well let me challenge you, what if that doesn’t happen? What if what you are so scared of actually works out? What if it’s a success and not a failure? I’m not saying run blindly into every situation and eradicate all caution, the bible states in Proverbs 27v12 that ‘A prudent person sees trouble coming and ducks; a simpleton walks in blindly and is clobbered.’
Try not to get clobbered! However don’t allow fear to grip and cripple you! That’s what the devil wants, for you to do nothing. (This post isn’t addressing fear, but I hope I’ve helped someone by touching on it.)
Now, onto the million pound question “How do I know if they are the one?” As I mentioned everybody has a different story of how they knew their partner was the one for them, and you will have a different story too. There is no right or wrong, and no marriage will be without its trials, and no person is without flaws… we are all human.
The mistake most of us make is that we don’t start to ask this question until we have met somebody, started falling in love at which stage our judgement is already clouded and we are not in a position to look at the situation objectively, nor to hear clearly from God.
So for all of you singletons out there with nobody on the radar, you are blessed! My advice for you is to pray into your future, pray towards your marriage and ask God to bring the right person to you and ultimately for His will to be done in your life!
Proverbs 37v23 – The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.
For those of you who have already met somebody and are still undecided as to whether the person you are with is the one for you or not, my advice is the same… pray.
Ask God to speak to you, believe He will and stay open to His voice. God can also speak through other people, so seek counsel, ask advice from people you trust and you know have your best interest at heart. If you have a pastor in your life, use them. If you have spiritual friends or parents, use them.
Sometimes we are too deep in a situation to see clearly. Focus creates blindness. When we are too fixated on one thing or one outcome, we struggle to see anything else but that, so bringing another set of eyes into the situation will really help you.
However… despite all the above choosing and deciding on a partner is and will always be a step of FAITH! After praying and seeking counsel you just have to make that decision. In life many things you do will have to be through faith, because we are dealing with the unknown, so get used to it and take those steps.
People have had 100 dreams, about who they should marry, gotten married and gotten a divorce.
People have heard an audible voice from heaven telling them who they should marry, gotten married and gotten a divorce.
People have received prophecies on who they should marry, gotten married and it’s worked out great.
People have also on the other hand, heard nothing, gotten married and its worked out great.
Why… because in marriage you get out what you put in, you have to build a happy marriage.
So in response to the second part of the original question “…My greatest fear is enduring and not enjoying my marriage.” That’s a choice you and your partner will have to make DAILY. Marriage is work, whenever you see a happy couple married, know that they have put in work – it doesn’t just happen. The natural thing is for it not to work, so you have to fight that daily, and build a marriage through work and prayer to ensure that you stand the test of time and enjoy it!
There will be great times and not so great times, it’s all part of the package, learn everything you need to learn in every season and keep on moving forward.
This is by no means conclusive in itself, however, I hope this helps!
Daniel hope you’re well. It’s been ages but just thought I’d leave you a quick message just to say well done. I’m respecting u more and more as I read yr blogs. Keep it up. 🙂
Hey Gifty, yes its been a while! I hope you well. I’m glad you’re finding the posts useful, we thank God. Look after yourself, and may God continue bless you.