The dating/ courting/ beloved/ intentional friendship/ engagement phase of any relationship is wonderful, full of excitement and every moment should be cherished forever.
Marriage is the next stage of the relationship, it is also enjoyable, exciting and will contain many moments you will cherish for a lifetime.
The issue comes when you mix the two.
Let me explain…
There are certain things created and set aside for the context of marriage and they should be left alone until marriage. Every time you do something that is reserved for marriage before you are actually married, you are actually STEALING from your future marriage and taking away from your own marriage experience.
I’m not even talking solely about sex; there are a lot of other things that fall into this category. Things that some may see as somewhat harmless – sleepovers, holiday’s together, excessive physical contact, living together, the list goes on… however, all these things when done before marriage carry implications. The issue is they can’t and won’t be seen until later on.
Ecclesiastes 8:11 – Because the sentence against an evil deed is not executed speedily, the heart of the children of man is fully set to do evil. ESV
Naturally, as human beings, if we are not punished immediately for an action we have a tendency to carry on fulfilling our own desires until we are caught or punished. However, we need to understand and get it into our heads that every action has a consequence – whether good or bad (cause and effect). Nothing is without significance. Whether it is a month later, a year, a decade later or even in eternity – we will get our just reward.
The bible does not lie, all the instructions in the bible are actually for our own good; however, we are deceived into thinking that by obeying the word of God we are missing out… this is the same trick the devil used to get Eve to eat from the forbidden tree all the way in the beginning. There is always a pleasure attached to sin, otherwise let’s face it… we wouldn’t sin. The pleasure is just there to lure us in, just like the cheese lures the mouse into the mouse trap! Once you get in it’s very difficult to get out! So your best bet is not to start down certain roads at all! So if you are just getting into a relationship or yet to get into one, try your best to do it the right way from the start, if you don’t and then try to change old habits it is significantly harder.
Sin begins with a lust or desire… When we entertain lust and give it a place in our thoughts it becomes enticing… Then, the lust is conceived… This results in sin… And when sin is completed it brings forth death.
Death is what the devil ultimately wants, his job description is outlined in John 10:10 ‘The thief comes only to STEAL, KILL and DESTROY.’ That’s what you wants for your life, your marriage and your purpose.
So don’t allow lustful desires to control your relationship, stand firm on the word of God.
James 4:7 “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you”.
‘Youthful lusts’ are part and parcel of being young, however, it’s not an excuse and you CAN overcome.
I was speaking to a young friend of mine who is yet to fall in love, my advice was simple…
Proverbs 4:23 ‘Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.’ NIV
I stressed this point because it has become the social norm to indulge in a number of relationships before settling down with your life time partner. However, with every relationship we go through we are actually giving a part of us away, emotionally, physically and spiritually – I’ll discuss soul ties at a later date. The sad part is that by the time many people meet their future partners they have become bitter, heartbroken, sceptical, suspicious people who are on the lookout for and constantly expecting the worst to happen.
It ultimately hinders your ability to both love and be loved. Love is not something that can be done with half a heart, to love you must give it all… selflessly, without restriction. We start of in this life like an apple, green and luscious but we allow different people to take a bit out of us and end up a half eaten apple walking down the aisle. This is not what God intended for you! He will restore you if you ask Him.
Refuse to conform to the standards of this world. (Rom 12:2) Decide to be different. It all starts with a decision… backed by action!
For those in relationships… don’t steal from your marriage! Delay your gratification. Yes your hormones are racing all over the globe, yes your emotions are very strong at he moment, yes you are head over heels in love and you want to express your love for each other. Well let me challenge you, if you really love your partner… do it for them, they’ll thank you for it one day!
Comment, share, re-post, if its blessed you, it’ll probably bless somebody else too!
woow good article
Good stuff bro
“I’m not even talking solely about sex; there are a lot of other things that fall into this category. Things that some may see as somewhat harmless – sleepovers, holiday’s together, excessive physical contact, living together, the list goes on… however, all these things when done before marriage carry implications. The issue is they can’t and won’t be seen until later on”. I used to be so naive previously. I thought sleepovers/holiday together were harmless but I thought wrong. From experience, they are wrong and there are consequences as you have rightly stated. You should read a post on my blog about ‘fragrance that you shouldn’t smell’.